predictions for 2011: the caffeine crunch

The Four Loko alcohol/energy drink controversy put it over the top for me.

I predict that in 2011, America will be more conscious of caffeine intake, and that caffeine will be the next "cigarette," "carb," "trans fat" - the next demonized commodity. Caffeine-induced health problems will saturate the news, despite what probably is a strong Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts lobby, and soon enough, people will understand that... well, you got jacked.

Ever-increasing coffee sizes. The DD "Great One." Kids drinking Monster Energy drink for breakfast - the caffeine rush will come to and end and we'll remind ourselves 1) that sometimes it's best to treat yourself to good coffee, rather than the corner deli nonsense, and 2) that the normal size isn't a venti, or a Great One, but an eight-ounce cup.

How did we ever function with such high levels of caffeine surging through our systems? How did we not know better up until this point? We'll all be asking ourselves these questions during 2011, when we realize that we've been walking around over-caffeinated and dehydrated for as long as we can remember.

In college, sometimes I'd make coffee too strong, and you'd feel your heart racing in your chest as you tried to sit down at a desk and read or write. Nothing you could do but ride it out. After school, while working as a reporter, I found that the afternoon coffee became a regular occurence. It was easier to write while awake, but more difficult to focus. Caffeine triggers a gland that secretes a hormone that triggers a gland to produce adrenaline - you know, the stuff that allows boxers to stay in the ring, taking hits without feeling pain, or allows little old ladies to lift cars to free trapped children.

Recently, if you're like me, you limit your coffee intake to before noon, unless there's a specific reason not to - an evening work event or a date.

But I genuinely feel like we're ready to make this happen, that we're advanced enough to see this from a higher perspective and be conscious of our health, particularly the deleterious effects of caffeine.

So, want to see how much caffeine will kill 'ya? Check out Death by Caffeine, where you can enter your weight and see how much Pepsi, Monster, Starbucks and Snapple it'll take to take you down.

Chart courtesy of the I-guess-now-defunct Theory World.